


Veritaserum

by FernDavant



Category: Class (TV 2016)
Genre: Gen, Quill is a Neville stan, Quill reads Harry Potter, Ship Wars, The Discourse, serious opinions on the relative attractiveness of HP characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 13:13:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10361283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FernDavant/pseuds/FernDavant
Summary: Quill's just finished the Harry Potter series. Matteusz is on hand to ask the important questions: what did she think of the epilogue? And who does she ship?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Suddenly, randomly, I asked evilqueenofgallifrey, "Do you think Quill ships anything? Like, she's a big stan in a fandom? Big into the Reylo discourse. Secret Harmonian?" and then things evolved, crazily, from there.

Quill closed the book, setting it on the side table next to her, picking up her cup of coffee instead, and taking a slow sip. She stretched, sighed, and pretended, for as long as was possible, that there wasn’t a teenage boy, practically vibrating with excitement, sitting on a nearby couch, following her eagerly with his eyes.

Quill yawned. “What is it, Matteusz?”

“So?” Matteusz prompted, smiling broadly. He was sitting on his hands, mainly because earlier he _hadn’t_ been sitting on his hands, and he’d broken a very expensive looking decorative figurine—some abstract, obsidian, four-legged creature.

“It was pretty good,” Quill said, with studied disinterest. “The wizard duels seemed exciting. I liked the themes about equality. Harry was a fairly boring character, himself, but his friends were interesting. Harry, himself, even improved as he grew older.”

“Okay, yes, good,” Matteusz said, sounding mildly frustrated. “But, say…what did you think of the epilogue?”

Quill frowned. “It was very heteronormative.”

“I—“ Matteusz blinked. “Actually, that is very good point, but also not what I was asking. I mean the marriages. And children. What did you think of how everyone ended up together? It is very controversial.”

“It was completely telegraphed,” Quill pointed out. “At least as far as the main three were concerned. I have no clue who Draco Malfoy was swanning off with, but he hasn’t been interesting since he couldn’t bring himself to assassinate Dumbledore, so I have minimum investment in him. His mother, however—“

“No, no, no,” Matteusz interrupted. He was being uncharacteristically abrupt. “I am trying to ask…what did you think of the ‘ships? The relationships? Like, with…Katniss and Peeta versus Katniss and Gale.”

Quill’s face lit up with understanding. “Oh. My personal opinion. Like the people on the internet are always arguing about.”

“Yes. Exactly,” Matteusz agreed.

“Does my disclosure of these opinions imply some kind of allegiance?” Quill asked cagily. “Because I’m not sure I want to participate in such factionalism. I’ve heard some mention of ‘ship wars,’ and while I’m all for a good conflict, I’m not prepared to die for Harry Potter.”

“No. Do not worry. There has not really been any fighting for a long time, most Harmonians quit after _Deathly Hallows_.” Matteusz thought for a moment. “Oh, also, forgot to mention, but it is not literal warfare. Feels like it, sometimes, but not literally.”

“Hm, good,” Quill mused. “Although, this book is hefty enough to make a decent weapon.”

Matteusz laughed. “This is true. But tell me, who did you think the characters should have ended up with?”

“Neville,” Quill replied.

Matteusz blinked.

Quill didn’t blink.

Matteusz shook his head, slightly, like he was trying to dislodge something insane from his head. “I am sorry? Who did you think Neville should have ended up with?”

“No, I mean that Neville is the one everyone should have ended up with. Or rather, everyone should have been trying to end up with Neville. They weren’t, though. Which, actually, in hindsight, I’m finding increasingly confusing.”

“Well, for one thing, Draco hated Neville—“

“Unimportant. We’ve already established he’s an idiot. What about Ginny, though? She’s highly competent, funny, outgoing, clever. Why is she messing about with Harry? She has a good rapport with Neville. And yet she never even tried to start a relationship with him. Not even when they were all trying to make each other jealous by getting with a bunch of random, annoying characters who had never appeared before. I mean, Cormac McLaggen? That sounds like a fake person.”

“Admittedly—“

“But then, you have Neville Longbottom. Superior fighter and wizard. Brave—only he and Harry pulled Gryffindor’s sword out of the hat, right? Kind. Resilient. Intelligent. He has everything you want in a partner. People bully him unrepentantly, though. And, apparently because he was chubby when he was an eleven-year-old he’s an unsuitable mate. Are humans really that...actually I don’t know what the right adjective for that is. Stupid? Shallow? Blind?”

“You do have a point.”

“Of course I do. Come to that, aren’t _all_ of them making relationship decisions based on who and what they were at eleven? That’s incredibly short-sighted. Also, it’s a completely inaccurate measure of who a person is when they’re an adult. I mean, do you remember what you were like when you were eleven?”

Matteusz reluctantly recalled. “Very disproportionate. Lots of acne.”

“Exactly, and I was very…“ Quill shuddered. “Let’s not think about ourselves at eleven, actually. That seems to be a bad idea.”

“I agree.”

“But that’s the point. Some very intelligent people seem to neglect to re-evaluate their social circles. I mean, Ron and Harry were actively living with Neville for years. How could they not see his development? How was Harry, who seems to have an essentially solid grasp on the measure of people, not able to see that Neville was the one to go after?”

Matteusz had grown very quiet. He had always considered himself to be a Harry sort of guy, but Quill was making a compelling argument regarding the romantic potential of Neville Longbottom, and he was really having a bit of a crisis of self.

“He is very admirable character,” Matteusz said finally. “But, well. If only one character can end up with him, then who would be the one you would want him to end up with.”

“Why does only one character have to end up with him?” Quill furrowed her eyebrows.

“Humans tend towards monogamy,” Matteusz explained.

“Well, if they’re all going to be so close-minded about it, I suppose everyone could fight for the privilege of pursuing Neville. In which case, I reckon I’d still give Ginny the best shot. I also get a feeling that we shouldn’t discount Lee Jordan.”

Matteusz did not bother asking her to elaborate on that. It seemed like something that he would have a much easier time just accepting. “Then who would you ship Harry, Ron, and Hermione with?”

“Hermione should have never ended things with Krum. Again, a vastly superior choice, and much kinder to her than Ron’s insecure, bickering self ever was. Ron and Harry probably deserve each other. Or maybe Draco. Harry and Draco always seemed peculiarly obsessed with each other.”

“The Drarry is very popular,” Matteusz said.

Quill raised an eyebrow. “Is that a disease?”

“Arguably. So, that is who you would want? Neville Longbottom?”

Quill pulled a face of disgust. “You do realize that all these characters are your age, yeah?”

Matteusz paused. “Well, actually, Neville was canonically born in 1980. He would be like 35, I think.”

“He’s imaginary. And I just read about his time at school,” Quill shook her head. “I teach. They’re all students. And human. That’s just creepy on multiple levels. Until this last book, I wouldn’t hesitate to take a running jump at Lupin. But now, not only is he dead, but he also threw that little shit-fit about being a werewolf and having a child.”

“That was not very dignified. True,” Matteusz agreed.

“This means the only competent adult left alive and unattached is McGonagall. Process of elimination, I’d go for her. I highly doubt she doesn’t have some secret relationship on the side, though.”

“A lot of people used to ship her with Dumbledore.”

“Oh, god, no. The first problem with that is he’s a self-righteous arsehole on the level of the Doctor. The second problem is that he’s obviously as gay as you are.”

“Yes, that is why I said ‘used to,’” Matteusz says. “And he was obviously in love with Grindelwald, yes?”

“Yes,” Quill nodded, seriously. “Still. In the end. On practical terms, the sensible choice is McGonagall.”

A laugh escaped from Matteusz. He had expected shipping discourse, but instead he’d just found out a lot about what Quill found valuable in a partner. And, to his surprise, her advice wasn’t exactly _bad._ “This was very strange and exhausting conversation. I did not expect it to be so.”

“Yeah, me neither,” Quill said, rolling her eyes. “Got any other weird questions?”

“Endless amount,” Matteusz admitted. “Charlie will not read these books. Obviously, now, I must know: what is your house?”

“Slytherin, obviously,” Quill snorted. “Incidentally, can we talk about Narcissa Malfoy now?”

“No, I want to talk about Ravenclaw. I am Ravenclaw.”

“How nice for you.” Quill rolled her eyes.

It was going to be a long night.


End file.
